Blog‎ > ‎


posted 24 Apr 2012, 23:00 by olnf Admin   [ updated 17 Jun 2012, 10:59 by Sudeep Jaiswal ]
Authors: Sudeep & Isha Jaiswal

None of us are perfect. But some things we do are wrong, shameful, stupid or downright idiotic. I, with some help, have compiled a list of the wonderful ways I find people annoy me. Most of them are little things, but I think they matter.

The road is a major source of irritation for me. Most people today have no traffic sense. Anyone above the age of 16 years can get a driving license and they don’t even need to go to the R.T.O. to get one. What can we expect in a time where you don’t even need to know how to ride a bicycle to obtain a license?

  1. Honking endlessly while waiting for someone. People have phones now, why not call them if you’re too lazy to walk up to their door and ring the bell?

  1. Breaking the signal when everyone else is waiting. You think you’re the only one in a hurry?

  1. Walking in the middle of the road. If there’s no footpath, walk on the extreme left or at least on the edge of the road

  1. Parking on the road, or bad parking in general. I should key your vehicle

  1. Deliberately scratching a new vehicle. Since it’s no longer brand new, how about an ‘accident?’

  1. Talking when driving. You don’t multitask as well as you think

  1. Stopping in the right lane and then going straight. Don’t you have a sense of direction?

  1. Stopping in the left lane and then trying to go right when signal turns green. Think where you are going beforehand!!

  1. Removing mirrors of the vehicle and then looking behind when turning. Stupid teenagers

  1. Driving in groups if it blocks traffic in any way. I didn’t know your father commissioned and financed this road

  1. Walking in groups if it blocks others in any way. Nahin maharaj, main bajoo ho jata hoon aapke liye

  1. Being oblivious to the world when walking/crossing. Sometimes, I stop in front of them and shoot them a look... It doesn’t really work

  1. Being oblivious to the world while talking/texting when walking/crossing. I am always surprised how people manage getting hit by trains

  1. Not getting out of the way of other pedestrians when walking on the wrong side. AAAAGHH!!

  1. Not slowing down when turning. I wish you find a badly parked SUV and crash heavily and then the owner blasts you and you get a big medical and car repair bill

  1. Turning abruptly without any indication/warning. Bad practice

  1. Braking abruptly. Thanks for your number, I’ll be in touch

  1. Opening car door without checking if anyone’s coming from behind. I should swerve, stop and punch you in the face

  1. Not turning vehicle off at traffic lights when there’s a lot of time to go. You are the indirect cause of rising petrol prices!!

  1. Constantly trying to self-start vehicle, especially in mornings. Make some effort. If your vehicle could speak, it’d ask you to kick-start it

  1. Restarting two-wheeler for just 2 seconds to park it at a distance hardly ten steps away. Do you have a secret way of manufacturing your own petrol? Or you’re so lazy to not make some effort to roll your vehicle into place

  1. Driving without a silencer. The poor man’s Enfield

  1. Accelerating (racing) vehicle unnecessarily while waiting for the green light. I’ll still overtake you

  1. Starting to move when your signal hasn’t turned green and there are people still coming fast trying to make theirs. Tyre squeal isn’t a very pleasant sound

  1. Driving with windows down and stereo blaring. Your taste in music is not as good as you think

  1. Doing stunts on bikes. Actually, no one is watching you

  1. Taking two-wheeler inside the market and doing shopping sitting on it. Lauki tumhare muh pe maarni chahiye

  1. Loud horns. Some of us have better hearing than you

  1. Incessant & unneeded honking. We get the point, your horn works

  1. Driving on upper at night when not needed. You’re just eating into your battery’s life

  1. Not going on dipper when there’s a vehicle coming towards you from the opposite direction. I’ll go on upper too, we’ll both be blinded and have a nice crash

  1. Driving at night/dark without lights. I hope you collide with a herd of buffaloes and they get mad and charge you

  1. Driving slowly in the right lane. This calls for incessant honking

  1. Driving car in the middle of the road. It blocks both lanes you idiot

  1. Cutting abruptly in front. It’s not a racetrack

  1. Weaving. It’s even banned in Formula 1

  1. Giving an indication and then turning the other way. Dumbness: 100%

  1. Not getting out of the way for a faster vehicle behind you. Will a ‘gentle’ nudge on your vehicle’s hindquarters wake you up?

  1. Leaning against/sitting on others’ parked two-wheelers. If you have to sit, put it on center stand first!!

  1. Leaning against others’ cars. No matter how much you do it, it’s not yours

  1. Sitting in the car and ordering people to bring you things (e.g.: ganne ka ras, chat, etc.). Lazy, rich snobs

On the positive side, I have ‘Road Rash’ to vent my frustration. Most of the things I listed above can be avoided by common sense. But as it is said, “common sense is quite uncommon today”. The following are other things that irritate me. I wonder what some of them mean for human beings as a species. Isn’t the difference between us and animals civilization?

  1. Parking in front of gates. There’s no excuse in the world for doing that!!

  1. Standing in groups in front of others’ gates. Find another spot people

  1. Opening gates and not closing them. Bad habit

  1. Climbing others’ walls and gates. Trespassing is a jailable offense

  1. Joining queues in between. You’re not special

  1. Ignoring the queue and barging in front. Are we idiots waiting for our turn?

  1. Talking loudly in public places like restaurants and theatres. I’m not interested in knowing what your friend’s new dog is called

  1. Not keeping cell phones in silent/vibrate mode in places like theatres. Some of us are actually here to watch the movie

  1. Talking while eating. I have enough in my plate, I don’t need the crumbs from your mouth

  1. Wasting water. I wish a day comes when you have massive diarrhea and no water to flush

  1. Wasting food, especially in marriages. So what if it’s free? Don’t you know by now what your stomach’s capacity is?

  1. Disregard for public property. Taxpayer i.e.: your money will be used to repair/replace that

  1. Not flushing when possible, especially in public toilets. I guess cleanliness starts at home

  1. Wasting electricity at home and even at places like college. Stop blaming MSEB (now SPANCO) for load shedding

  1. Dragging footwear when walking, making too much noise. If you’re trying to get me to notice your new shoes/sandals/chappals, I’m not going to look

  1. Leaving footwear in front of the doorway. Tiles are slippery!!

  1. Spitting in public. One word: “Disgusting”

  1. No. 1 in public. Didn’t you learn bladder control? It’s not exactly a new concept, people generally master it before starting Nursery school

  1. Smoking in public and not standing/blowing smoke away from people around you, especially kids. No, it’s not cool and if I wasn’t bothered by second-hand smoke, I’d smoke!!

  1. Incessant swearing. There has to be a better way of putting your point across

  1. Asking someone for a phone number and then telling them to wait while they find a pen. Do it simultaneously!!

  1. Being seemingly more interested in talking to people around you rather than the one you’re on the phone with. Uh, I’m still here

  1. Littering. One of the simplest reasons why Mumbai can’t be Shanghai… find a dustbin!!

  1. Standing in front of the TV when someone’s watching. Hato!!

  1. Standing in front of the door. Gadhe!!

  1. Not covering the mouth/nose when coughing/sneezing. I love being drenched in phlegm

  1. Borrowing things and not returning them. Yes I want my pencils, rubbers, scales and sharpeners back!!

More and more people are opting for weaving and other such operations today. I wonder how many tore their original hair out.