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Life & Friendship

posted 24 Nov 2011, 01:41 by Sudeep Jaiswal   [ updated 21 Dec 2011, 21:47 ]
Author: Gikesh Nair

This following post is not written by me. This time, Mr. Gikesh Nair is here to share his views on Friendship...So Please enjoy this post which is a bit serious take on Friendship.

" Hello all,

I am writing on a request (more of an order) from Suparas who is on an eternal quest to learn and understand the true meaning of friendship and inadvertently thinks on getting the real definition from a variety of people, me being one of them.

To start with I am not the kind of person who is blessed with the ability to generate poetic thoughts or to conduct intricate analysis on the eternal relation that friendship is, and to write it down for all to understand and learn from it. 

But I am very sure of what I consider friendship and friends and would try to put that understanding in an understandable way.

To start with Friendship is what you consider it to be. God is a great engineer (one of the best to say) but he has over engineered the product known as human (homo-sapiens to the intellectual kind). Intellect, which defines this race, is one of the USP of this race. This can be proven by the fact that no two individuals are unique. Now this un-uniqueness is also shown in the way these over engineered products think. The best (and the most boring) example being that of a half-filled glass (I am an optimist). 

Things are what we perceive it to be and hence friendship and friends are what we perceive them to be. I am a strong believer of the fact that there is a strong difference between Being Friendly and Being Friends. 

I am friendly with nearly all the people I have met and am going to meet, but I know who my friends are and what qualities they should have to be one. This deters me from having any confusion on whom I should consider as friends and who have to be met with a smile. Hence I have a lot of people with whom I am friendly but very few friends. My friend (the owner of this blog) isn’t quite in the same thinking frame.

The main area of concern is that of finding this “Friend”. Now friends don’t grow on tree, neither are they found in the market, nor they happen to be the result of any scientific experiment. Friends are made, chosen, selected from the large crowd of us lot. This can be on the road, in a theater, office or best in a classroom. Classroom friends can occur at any point in life (viz School, College, UG, and PG). These are the people whom we connect to whenever we think of the term Friend and this is true. 

Ask any school/college going student about who their friend is and they will give a list of names stating that this is my group, consists of 5-10 people, they think alike, play the same game, like the same food, think about others the same way, have common interest in short. These are the people whom we assume/presume to be friends. 

Now I won’t completely disagree by this fact but if everyone digs deeper into themselves they can find that this might not be true. What we do here is give/frame certain conditions (more of a sheet with certain conditions and tick the right boxes) and assume that if we have all the conditions satisfied we get someone we can call friend. These might not work always. The conditions we put are those which make us feel safe, which we think might work but that is because of the lack of experience. 

For example if we are in a group of 5 people with 4 of them thinking the same way, the fifth one might be different to our way of thinking. He/she might be rude when speaking, can be different, might shout more, might be irritating in certain words, might look different, and might have come from a different school of thinking.

These people are friend only because of certain boxes that you have ticked for them have worked. But generally you ignore them, you are more affected by peer pressure coming from the other 4 and you might bog him down every now and then. Eventually because of you being uninterested you forget and lose that person. 

Now go on doing a backward thinking, reverse engineering the fact list on why you lost that person. Why would you not treat a person in the way he/she has to be treated, why should you not be free in thinking about a person who is actually good to you. Is this being careless? Not exactly, this is because at that point you don’t make the right choice and don’t understand the true value of a friend. 

These DIFFERENT people are often those who come to you when you need help, they are there when you need them. These are people who don’t come when you want to party but when you need someone to wipe your tears, support you through your bad times, but them being so unimportant you often ignore their services and move on to the next party where you find your real FRIENDS.

Now another story of how I got my friend. The person in question was wrong for all the reasons available. Did not fit anywhere in my conditions of a good friend. Was boring, looked different, spoke different, thought different and all above was the stupidest person whom I had ever met. 

For an year or so, I never understood why that person thought the way he thought (the fifth among the 5 as per the above example). But then I took time to understand his thinking, understand how he thought and why he did so and the most important found him when I really needed him and luckily was smart enough to understand his value. The last part of understanding proved good for me and I at last found a person who could actually be called a friend. This does not prove actually that I am a superior thinker to understand it, because I too have lost a good friend coming under peer pressure. 

This was long back when I had a person who thought for me, cared for me and knew me very well. But because of peer pressure, ego clashes and more stupid reasons I lost that person. I always had a thought in the back of my head of me being wrong but never could actually express it. If I had I may have found a friend to keep for ages but lost things don’t come back easily so had to move on. 

This second example proves that one wrong thinking; misjudgement does cost you a lot. So before you make friends and before you lose them, THINK carefully. Both cases are quite important.

There exists another kind of person to this equation. These are people who are forced to find friend. They are mostly the 5th among the 5 (as per the above example). These are people who often stick on to a group of people who they consider to be friends and often get carried away because of an initial liking/attraction to the group members. This also consists of people who want to look good with a certain group and stick to them. Usually happens with college goers. These people often get stuck on and are seen/treated like extras. They never realise this and when they do it’s too late.

People say that they have a large array of people who are friends, thus reducing the value of the word Friend. Think why a person is your friend before making them one and once made accept the fact. Never deny the friendship, own it up instead. Be brave enough to call a person friend if you actually think them to be one or else don’t be under any pressure to deny friendship, be friendly and take care to show distance that should be there and convey it effectively. Keeping a safe distance with people you actually hate but have to look good is what’s known as living happily in human society. So be a good actor and act well, be friendly and value friendship.

All the above said things are what I feel is true and this may differ (remember us being unique). So this should not be seen or considered as guidelines to what exactly the definition of friendship is. Instead this is what one individual thinks, considers friendship to be. Now to get to the definition of true friendship, it does not need one. There are some things in this world that does not need to be defined they just exist and that’s a fact. They don’t need to be thought about as they are too big to be defined but requires common sense to understand but that being so uncommon we face this problem."

I hope you must have enjoyed it...I hope...Thanks Gikesh, I will be waiting for one more post from you on some other topic...