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More Annoyances

posted 29 Dec 2012, 08:02 by olnf Admin
Authors: Sudeep & Isha Jaiswal

In a world where people capitalize on success by making sequels and milking the idea for as long as possible, we have decided to do the same thing.

  1. Taking pictures of yourself posing in front of others' vehicles. Become a model instead

  1. Cars playing songs/tunes when reversing. Instead of honking on empty roads, use the horn where it's needed

  1. Bikes that play music when braking. Imagine moving slowly in traffic: Dhoom machale... dhoo... dhoom machaaa... dhoom... dhoom machale dhoom...

  1. Throwing vehicle seat down to close the dickey. Aaram se!

  1. Keeping the road side car door open. Is the 'Death Proof' car available for purchase?

  1. Not getting your vehicle out of the way of others after filling petrol. Start it later!

  1. Driving fast in the wrong lane. Unless you want to eat a two car pancake

  1. Becoming absent minded when waiting for the traffic light. Kumbhakarna ki aulaad

  1. Honking while trying to overtake even when the road is packed. Kahan se doon jagah??

  1. Honking on empty roads. Maybe they see ghosts

  1. People who signal drivers to slow down and then cross the road slowly. Either wait for the road to be clear or make some effort!

  1. People who don't properly indicate when they're about to turn. Don't drop hints, show your hand properly, or use the indicator. Better yet, use your rear view mirror to spot any vehicles behind you and then show your hand accordingly. Don't move your hand slightly and expect me to spot it

  1. Rickshawallahs/pedestrians ignoring the signal. ...and they blame car drivers for whichever accident

  1. Promising someone something and then forgetting about it. Make a note, set a reminder, drink shankhpushpi

  1. Talking loudly. Modulate your voice according to your surroundings

  1. Flaunting your achievement of owning a mobile phone by walking in the road talking in a loud voice. You are not the only one who possesses that phone

  1. Sticking posters/ads on someone's walls/gates without permission. You probably stuck “kick me” notes on your friends’ backs in school

  1. Stealing people's things they probably forgot in places like tuition classes. What do you plan to do with my notebook?

  1. Finding air in food packets. I have stopped buying Lays chips

  1. Ringing the doorbell more than once, unless someone doesn't open for more than 20-30 seconds. I’m not standing beside the door expecting you

  1. Having no regard for time. If I say call after 10 minutes, I mean 10 minutes, not half hour

  1. Not updating others when there’s a change/delay in plans. If we decide to reach Cinemax at 2, I shouldn't need to call you at 2:15 to know that you're about to leave your house

  1. Most kids today. Spoilt bastards

  1. Letting the neighborhood know that you're brushing your teeth. It sounds as if someone's getting murdered

  1. Cleaning nose explosively. Pata nahin kitne saalon se blocked thi

  1. Loud burping in public. It can only be funny at home

  1. Believing that perfume/deodorant is an acceptable substitute for soap. Noses don’t lie

  1. Leaving footwear on the doormat. Where do I wipe my shoes?

  1. People saying ‘incidence’ instead of ‘incident’. It’s funny first, then gets annoying

  1. People saying 'anyways' instead of ‘anyway’. Trying too hard to appear cool

  1. Fair and Lovely type products. The promise to make you fair is probably one of the biggest marketing scams of all time

  1. People holdings cups/glasses from their mouths. Lota nahin hai wo!

  1. People who don't touch the feet when touching someone's feet. You're showing off... or have back problems

  1. People who chew ‘kharra’. That's not what they meant by “take the world and paint it red”

  1. People playing loud music on buses/trains. I always find one in my vicinity on long trips. Always. They never get headphones with their mobiles

  1. People waving raised hands slowly on slow tempo songs. Raising lighters is better

  1. Combing/styling your hair or touching up yourselves in rear view mirrors of others’ vehicles. Observe anyone doing that... you’ll realise how stupid it looks

  1. People idly plucking leaves/flowers while talking with others. I wish it once be a Venus Flytrap

  1. Ladies not wearing any sweater or shawl in parties during winter no matter how cold it is. After all, their designer sarees and jewellery is more valuable than their health

  1. Misusing amenities and making general mess in hospitals, trains, hotels, etc. to "get your money's worth". Look at the bigger picture

  1. Standing on turnings. Don't blame the car in your last breath

  1. Messing with others' parked vehicles. I know my mirror and button positions

  1. People seeking 'inaam' after festivals like Diwali. Have some self-respect

  1. Searching the URL of a website on Google. Just go there!

  1. Believing that eating bananas, curd, etc. causes cold. Have you heard of viruses?

  1. Ringing someone's bell and going elsewhere. Arre phone kar dete, main milne aajata

  1. Wearing a cap indoors. Unless you're hiding a bald patch... no, it's still stupid

  1. Hitting keyboard keys hard when typing. How'd you like me to shout everything when talking to you?

I have some light to shed on another category, television. No it's not just about daily soaps anymore. A lot of things have come up in its competition to irritate the sensible public. Sensible... because there may be many who may feel indifference to it... ‘arre theek hai na... itna to chalta hai, aisa hi hai sab aajkal...’

  1. Daily soaps. You could miss a week and not miss anything

  1. Shows that don't have enough budget to show its characters eat real food in scenes (especially tea) but enough to show them wearing expensive suits, sarees, and makeup at home. Or have clever editing. It's easy to make out empty tea cups

  1. Characters getting up in the morning without smeared makeup or having even a hair out of place. Reveal the secret to us too, we’ll never have to waste time in getting ready especially when late for work... uthe aur chale

  1. Characters with excessive makeup. Wear a mask instead

  1. Characters ripping phone jack straight out of the wall. It's not that hard to remove it properly

  1. Shows depicting loud tyre squeal at low speeds. Every soap and CID

  1. Showing every other thing in slow motion in IPL telecasts. Overkill

  1. Fans getting overexcited to be on television. Baap re, galti se TV par aa gaye

  1. Celebrity IPL team owners and their celebrity guests feeling the need to wave or blow kisses at the camera every time it focuses on them. Arre ho gaya

  1. IPL commentary. It's not a six anymore, it's a 'dlf maximum'. They don't take just catches anymore, they're 'carbon kamaal' catches

  1. Time wasting on finale shows... gratuitous dancing, forced jokes and general time wasting. There must be an unwritten rule that the finale should be longer than the usual duration of the show

  1. TV volume becoming louder when ads start. No I don’t need an indirect indication that the break has ended. The duration of the break is more than enough to complete minor household tasks

  1. Long ad breaks on TV. At times I even forget which movie I was watching, let alone the channel it was on

  1. Frequent ad breaks on TV. I believe a time will come when there’ll be an ad(s) between every ball in a cricket telecast

  1. Comedy Circus. How it is still going on is the biggest joke of the show

  1. Running one report and two-three shots of it throughout the day, at times the following day too. It’s not Aaj Tak, it’s Kal-Parso Tak

  1. Creating unnecessary headlines about TV stars. Who knows they may be responsible for many of the fights between them?

  1. Channels doing horoscopes. Kark rashi wale aaj paani se door rahein... Leo rashi waalon ke rishtey aaj nazuk pad sakte hain to zara sambhal ke rahein. Arre kyaaa hai?

  1. News channels getting overexcited during rainy season. You’ll find every other channel with ‘Baarish ka qahar’ or ‘Monsoon ka aatank’ or similar headlines throughout the day

  1. Illogical headlines. ‘Janbaaz kutta’

  1. Telling the news in strange tones. SANSANI!! Isss aadmi se bach ke rahiye!! Ye ek ghinauna apraadhi hai!! Hoshiyar rahiye!! Ye aapke ilaake mein bhi ho sakta hai!!

Sequels are usually disappointing. We hope the read was worth your time.